Hey Fam! There is no doubt that marriage among Afro-Americans is a revered rite of passage. Growing up in some interior village of a country in Africa, matters of marriage was no easy thing. Upon transition from childhood to adulthood, one would be expected to tie the knots failure to which one got adjudged weak. Among the blacks, marriage means a lot, some kinsmen even opt to withstand a thorough beating in order to earn a wife . Evidently, that has changed as more and more people continue to prefer single-hood.

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in marriages as the foundation of the society. This was a belief instilled in me at a tender age and as you probably know, ‘you can take the boy from the village but you cannot take the village out of the boy.’ In fact, I have been married for five years and counting. As blacks, records has it that majority of us value marriage above single living. For me, marriage is sweet. If you uphold this believe, I have no intention of making you think otherwise, however, I can confidently tell you that marriage is not for you.

Now that you’re reading this, are you married, single, almost married or a prospective partner? Reserve your answer. But, have you wondered why black divorces continue to soar? I obviously conquer with the experts that this could be thanks to the special pressures and new types of strife that Afro-Americans continue to strive with. Maybe, just maybe that’s another reason why marriage is not for you.

Now, before you start getting upset with me, what are your reasons for entering the marriage institution? Within your ‘should we get married checklist,’ are you marrying because you’re afraid of being alone or because you want to prove a point? Some will tell you those are bad reasons to get married. On the other hand, if you see marriage as an exciting option, you have a strong friendship that underpins that relationship and also possess similar worldviews and vision for the future then that’s a good reason to marry. All these are people’s opinions. The last time I checked, everyone was entitled to theirs. I’ll say no more on that. However, I want you to know that marriage is not for you.

Why is marriage not for you?

Hopefully, someone just breathed a sigh of relief! Chances are you’ve researched into all these signs of dating, all in a bid to unravel the secrets of succeeding in your marriage. What many won’t remind you is that there is not true relationship of love that is for you. A true relationship of love is about the person you love.

Now, before you decide to upgrade the ‘best friends’ to ‘we’re in love,’ figure out whether you have any inner anxiety about settling down together. Does the thought of marriage cause you any fear? Do you feel like you aren’t ready yet? Do you doubt that that person may not be one meant for you? Do you doubt whether you’re making the right choice? Will he/she make you happy? It’s human to have such self inner queries and still moments especially when we’re about to make lifetime decisions. Such queries depict the elephant in the room, the more reasons why marriage is not for you.

Elephant in the room

Nowadays, most people have become selfish. If you’re among that lot, I’ll make this very simple, marriage is not for you, you better evade that ‘trap.’ If there’s something we can do to minimize the soaring divorce rates in our community, it has to be the realization of the fact that we don’t marry to make ourselves happy, we marry to make the other party happy. Additionally, you marry for a family. You don’t marry to impress your kinsmen and all that nonsense, you marry for your future children. Think about whom you want to raise and influence them with. Marriage is not for you. It’s about the person you marry. While selfishness asks ‘how will it benefit me?’ Love asks, ‘what will I give?’

These ugly divorces are not something we would wish for. It beats logic to awaken love and let the light to dim at the hour of need. Do you think you’re ready to make her happy and see her smile every day? Are you ready to be part of her family? Does her family want to become part of yours? Do you fancy building a home together? If you can’t right tick those simple checks, marriage is not for you. Why? Because a marriage shouldn’t be about you but the person and those you love. It’s all about their wants, hopes and dreams, dreams of a better future together.

Wrapping it up…

As blacks, our progress in varied fields is remarkable. Marriage being an important part of our community may not be a bed of roses neither is it a bed of cactus. We ought to nurture a sober society, family at the center of it. This was the dream of our ancestors. For it to come into fruition, we ought to shower each other with an outpouring of love. Sometimes, we’ll have to lay aside the anguish caused by our partners and lovingly sooth their souls.

Let’s flatten this curve, don’t become part of the divorce tally among blacks. Ensure your side of marriage is not all about you. As you’ll realize, the more you truly love your significant other, the more love you’ll receive. Also, extend your love to the myriads of others you probably wouldn’t have met had your love remained all about you. This will go a long way in strengthening our movements as well. As charity begins at home, it also all starts by realizing that truly marriage is not for you. It’s for those you love.