Living in the diaspora comes with various challenges. One of such is the fit in mantra.
As an African who was born and raised in a third world country, moving in and settling in the western world is something you’ve always looked forward to. But here you are, and everything is not as you imagined.
You are much different from everyone around you — your skin color, accent, hair texture, eyes, and lots more.
Aside from the various unfair treatment you may be noticing in your workplace, your fellow citizens who may be of native origin are probably looking down you, and they’re seeing you as a second class citizen.
Too bad! Fitting in as a foreigner in the United States and Europe is not an easy thing — especially if you’re an African with black skin and a foreign accent.
The thing is, you don’t need to fit in and to seek validation from others is an amateur move — it exposes you to some psychological trauma, and you’d end up being a people pleaser — a yes man and a weak human being.
We’ve all been there — the phase of our lives where we need validation from people outside.
Those moments where you’d want to be accepted into the cool group, to be part of them even when you’re dying inside.
But the reality is — seeking validation from others only weakens you. It lowers your self-esteem, and it breeds the not good enough feeling.
If you want to regain yourself, breakup from the fit in mindset, and finally embrace yourself for who you truly are, here’s what to do…
1. Social Media does not determine your Worth:
We are the luckiest generation in human history. And at the same time, we are the generation that’s most susceptible to depression, inferiority complex, and whole loads of social issues.
We always compare ourselves with people around us.
Nope! We compare our lives with the fake display on social media.
At least, the generation before us had the privilege of judging the right way — they make their judgment based on what they see in real life.
Nowadays, we compare ourselves with virtual people — they’re real people who are not what they seem to be.
In the black community, social media is a kind of Olympic competition. Everyone wants to fit in and be seen as cool.
Reality is — people post their best days and their best moments on social media.
Comparing yourself with someone online is not worth the mental energy you put into it.
2. Pursue Your Dreams:
Dump everything else and pursue your dreams because your dreams are what counts.
If you’re forcing yourself to fit into your job, then it’s time you make a switch and pursue the life you truly want to live.
You’ve got one shot on earth, and you’ve got to make it!
You deserve a happy and fulfilling life. Your dreams are valid. But you have to work it out.
3. Your Employer Don’t matter:
There are various leadership styles in the workplace. And some employers have the knack of making black folks feel worthless or not good enough.
Here’s the thing — their opinions don’t matter. It’s just a reflection of who they are NOT who you are.
Some may make you feel inadequate. But if you’re diligent enough and you’re competent in your skill, you’ve just got to quit your job and look for a better place where the workers would appreciate you for who you are and the value you bring to the table.
Living in a culture that’s always trying to belittle you and make you feel inadequate is not an easy thing.
However, you’ve got to realize that enough is a journey of self-discovery that has no end.
All you’ve got to do is to become the best in what you do and live purposefully every day. And at the end of your time on earth, you’d look back and be glad that you accepted yourself the way you are.
Because you’re enough.
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